to the only one that still visits this page!

it was that htht we had, under that Yishun block. that was kick start this friendship. oh my, how i wished i didn't there! haha, kidding. you're like one of the nicest people I've come across. most of the times, I feel that you're even more concerned for my problems than I am. thanks for all the calls in the middle of the night. thanks for all the jokes whenever I'm bored. thanks for all the encouragements along the way. thanks for EVERY SINGLE THING you've done! :) you're da bomb! I LOVE YOU!

20 days later, you're gonna get your head shaved, put on that green uniform and be sent to pulau tekong (did i get it righttttt?!). i'm gna miss you! :( you must not forget me okay! haha, that's the end! you need tissue! HAHAHA

It has been ages since I ever used this form of diary in my life! From the last time I've checked, it was 11sept. and throughout this period, I'm proud to say that I've conquered my final last bit of year 1 life in college!

1. Promos is over! with a B S U for my H2. I know it looks bad. Just look at the first grade will do!
2. WR is nicely done and submitted
3. OP is finally over after hell lot of dry runs!
4. Last 2 weeks of holiday lectures are over!

All in all, CELINE HAS BECOME RICHER!

thankfully to PW, I've found much more to look forward in school (: discovered that I've been dwelling in my own comfort zone and hey! i should get out. can now finally remove the title of classmate, and replace them with friends. so, college life is so much better for me now. the mad rush of WR kick start the life in E4-4, and that's the life I've been missing so much ever since the life in Deyi came to an end. Tho undeniable Deyi can be more interesting, but the atmosphere here urge me to just forget about all the stress and enjoy it ttm.

OP then brought us a whole lot closer! with enjoyable fast food rush, card game sessions and movie dates. people tend to become a lot closer when they have common enemy. in this case, we had one. all the lame games that we played, silly tricks we played.

last 2 weeks of lectures may seem dry. every lecture last for 100 mins. but I guess with them, life was made simpler. i kinda realise myself looking forward to school, esp to breaks. proud to say, i've found new friends. friends whom I can laugh with instead of laugh at.

Dad promised me 1k if i work for him. but i've certainly no idea if this 1k, would make me poorer or richer.

wow, its like exactly a month ago since the last post. guess that's e cause of how we city-dwellers lead our lives.

while it was merely just a month ago since I last used my blog, I'm less than a month away from THE exam. well, its not gonna be as major as Os or As, but its definitely something that I fear. Maybe because I see myself screwing it up and end up spending another year doing college, being afraid of failure like such, I'm not at all optimistic about this coming one. =/

Lately I've been really interested in the western prom culture, haha! I would wonder why actually. Thinking about it, its quite cool with the idea of having prom boutonniere and corsage. heh, prom boutonniere is what a girl would buy for her date and pin it on his prom tux. While a corsage, usually in a bracelet form, is what a guy for would for his date. The prom boutonniere and corsage is the identify of a couple during prom when there are tonnes of other people together. HAHA! So that's currently what I've been doing for the past few days, figuring different cultures and understanding the meaning behind it. Soul enriching, and brings me a little closer to people in the other half of the world.
Books pretty much drive me to this state of sanity.

Another thought that have been lingering in my mind for the past few months. While life in college is much of an inferno for me, the thought about going overseas to finish up my studies in a much less stressful manner seem really inviting. Being so emotionally attached in where I am, and knowing that its impossible to have both my friends and a less stressful environment. But being who I am, I still believe that my friends shouldn't be the sacrificed lamb.

That's for now. I'm done.

have been pondering over a few thoughts lately.

1. discovered that everytime I wanna let someone into my life, and understand the pain and troubles I'm going through, the words get stuck at my throat, and someother nonsensical stuff would then come out of my mouth to change topic. yet those thoughts are the reasons why these days I hardly find myself smiling.
   
2. have realised that sometimes having a superficial front is actually very important. in terms of making friends, and extending my network with the people around me. I should probably not let my emotions control the people I want to mix with. I shouldn't judge whether they are my friends or not based on whether I like them. and in any case, who knows whether they are truly my friends.
   
3. promos is really closing in, probably everyone else knows that. every year end, such torment reoccurs. but what really made this so significant? maybe its because this is the first time I'm posed with the possibility of not making into J2? The first time Celine hears that she may get to retain. Or maybe this is the most torturing year of school I've ever gotten.
   
4. what does retaining actually mean to me? a stain, a smudge on my life, or something that I'm really gonna face pretty soon, and I can be bothered about its happening? guess in everything I do, or rather it being the nature of human, failure hits exceptionally hard when its the first time. Yes, I agree that to me it is going to be a stain, a smudge that no matter how hard I strive in future I wouldn't be able to get rid of it. But I really don't know if my capabilities can help me turn the tables over this time round.
5. so what if I've made it into J2, will I be able to make it into a University?
   

These thoughts are no different from putting me in the middle of the sea, getting washed by every wave that comes my way. I'm really drowning, this is for real. Noticing the change happening in me, but yet feeling helpless cos what can I do anyway! I don't want to lose the real me, I still want to be myself. I've sold myself to college life. The life in which I thought it would be fun and interesting before I've entered it.

Before it all, I may be unsure of my directions.
But now, it has gotten me a clearer view of things.

Is solitude really good for a being? Why and why not?

I never knew I was that bothered, I never knew it would have hit me so bad.
MPTS is over for me, perhaps it'd be last time such horror is about to happen.

"You're the first born of the family, gotta prove it right."
Mum, I wish I could.

"You gotta choose between catching goals and gaining entry to U, make your stand!"
Perhaps I got to. Thanks for reminding me of my agenda in this school.

"The glory stays with the school, the stains are what's left with you."
The cruel truth of striving so hard for the championship or a title for the school.

"Get the time line right, its promos first then A div. Not A div before promos."
Yes Khai, thanks for reminding me about that.

"Are you intending to change position? I'm glad you've got no intentions to, cos I doubt I'll be able to find a good enough substitute for coming A div."
I really wish I don't have to disappoint you coach, I know where you're coming from and I know that you wish we can superseed our seniors. I sincerely wanna be able to be physically and mentally there for the seasons there next year. But I've got to make sure I get promoted.

"That's your commitment, you chose it, you fulfill it to the end."
Guess be it studies or soccer, its both my commitment. Though I can't take on 2 at a time, I shall first strive to get promoted then a sliver for Adiv next year.

I'm not giving up without a fight, its either I make it or break it.

Its probably the last time.
Yes indeed, with the least conviction I can muster right now, its the last time.

till the next time you head is next to mine,
till the next time I hear you breathe,
till the next time your smell overwhelms me.

I'm on my own.